When you pin my arms and you hold me back When you shake me down and I won’t attack So they wring me out, and I come up dry But to live without is somehow worse than to try Look in her wallet! Look in her wallet and you will find All the pieces of my life I have been trying hard to hide And I am trying hard, to cry And I am trying (so hard) not to lose you ‘Cuz if I lose you I will lose EVERYTHING that came with you Too All of the baggage All of the good times All of the things I’ve tried to hide behind All of the baggage All of the good times All of the things I’ve tried to hide behind

I have been working at this job since I turned 22 So it’s been 5 years since the day that I fell out of love with you And I have walked by you every day out on the streets You’re perpetually staring with salk stained down your cheeks You know I don’t like this anymore than any of us do The paycheck here is good, but I have never felt so screwed She says stop bleeding! Stop biting your hands Don’t ruin what you’ve got with yr pipe dream plans ‘Cus that’s what makes the money And that’s what wears us thin That’s why we are moving targets Who ignore what we have been You know I don’t like this anymore than any of us do The paycheck here is good, but I have never, never felt so screwed She says stop bleeding! Stop biting your hands Don’t ruin what you’ve got for pipe dream plans Cus that’s what makes the money And that’s what wears us down That’s why Ted went and hung himself And it’s why I hate this ugly town She says stop bleeding! Stop biting your hands Don’t ruin what you’ve got for pipe dream plans She says stop bleeding! Stop biting your hands, stop biting your hands Don’t ruin what you’ve got for pipe dream plans She says stop bleeding! Be good with what you’ve got, good with what you’ve got Oh, just be happy, just be happy (happy) She says stop bleeding! Be good with what you’ve got Oh, just be happy with being someone who you’re not

A long time ago, you were a someone You were a microphone picking up signals You had the lights out, while you were praying You would paraphrase to keep things simple I would lay my hands on my own chest I would drive to the next town over I would call my mom at 3 A.M. Just to keep expectations lower And I would chop down every tree in yr bubbly brain If you could spit to swim, if you could draw out the pain If you could explain how maps could help me find my way Then I will follow yr scent I will be here to stay I will do work tomorrow I will delay Because the ghost that talks to me is here today Last year you bought me new clothes and tried to ignore That sounds that came from yr heart By the time you were glowing I had left yr house Your dad couldn’t catch me, we were too far apart I slept on the ground, I made some new friends I changed my old name and tied up loose ends I kissed random guys and blocked all yr texts Only started drinking to be a good guest And I would chop down every tree in yr bubbly brain If you would spit to swim, if you wrote down the pain If you could make colorful maps to help you explain How to dress for sit-down dinner with yr parents again And I’ll touch yr forehead And I’ll wake from a dream I’ll pass all my classes But what did you mean When you drew forty wings erupting from my spine When you shot yr old neighbor, when he said he was fine When you said you were mine, did you ever react To the frown on my face or the bones through my back The ink on my knees, the love in my heart To the songs I pushed out when we were apart And I would chop down every tree in yr bubbly brain If you could spit to swim, if you could draw out the pain If you could explain how maps could help me find my way Then I will follow yr scent I will be here to stay I will do work tomorrow I will delay Because the ghost that talks to me is here today Because my stranger's stomach is finally going gray

I’ve had a lot of time to think about these things, about these things The inside of my head is the loneliest place to be, the loneliest place to be Well, cut it open, then you can see All of the traits you can not find in me I’m always sick And my throat is always dry And “I’m so clever” But I don’t know how to rhyme Your name with any other word In this massive Earth And I am not my biggest fan, I am not even close I have an undersized sense of self worth But I am through with excuses I’m not trying to cushion the hurt I am sick of coming home late after trying to flirt With you I looked it up it’s based on true events I was just kidding, oh I was just being dense Be an old man in a garden, be a child in a field Be the last remaining champion, when the plot twist is revealed And the moonbeams! They’ll shoot out of yr toes And the silence after will just go to show That I have talked too much again That I have drowned out the suspense That I have told you off, and so you don’t wanna be my friend

February 1st, 2021, 12:37 AM my friend and i talked about snow plows, and i got to hear one outside my room and then we talked about television, and being happy, and gender roles, and whatever came to our heads February 1st, 2021, 12:55 AM i said goodnight, and talked to my mom, and i don’t remember what about, but i do remember that i turned off my phone, and closed the door to my room, and i missed my friends February 1st, 2021, 1:02 AM i flipped over multiple times trying to get comfortable, and was both hot and cold at the same time so i gave up sleeping, but kept trying to check my clock i kept thinking about the future, about whether or not we’d move far away for college, if it’s possible to live off letters you send, and not shape a life around somebody other than yrself i got to walk out on ice in my blue low top sneakers and you sat on the shore playing yr favorite songs through yr silver speakers and we made jokes about a movie where a character falls through ice so even though i took the chance i didn’t wanna have to pay the price of whatever god was watching you watching me walk on water of living life with a purpose that is broader than just surviving day by day than just surviving day by day than just surviving day by day the echo when you hit the ice is like the beating of my heart the echo when you hit the ice is like the beating of my heart the echo when you hit the ice is like the beating of my heart, the beating of my heart the echo when you hit the ice is like the beating of my heart, the beating of my heart the echo when you hit the ice is like the beating of my heart, the beating of my heart the echo when you hit the ice is like the beating of my heart February 1st, 2021, 1:27 AM i stared out the window for a half an hour and i talked to myself, and i knew no one was listening but i also knew that i was only human, so i had to try to reach out and so i opened my window, and tried to touch the snow and i was just so close to you we were so close